It was at that point their leader did speak and mentioned to me what the group did seek:
We've been watching you for quite a while and love the way you run in style. We love to run, it's a fantastic sport but it seems we can't in skirt or short. We get this chafing on our inner thighs and it totally ruins our runner's highs. It's hot on our planet, we can't wear capris, we can't wear tights and there is no breeze. We run in the heat and our thighs they rub raw and sometimes too under the straps of our bra. We've watched you run, you do it with ease and you seem to wear whatever you please. You don't readjust your running gear and you're always smiling from ear to ear. We've come to take you home with us to teach us how to run without fuss. Don't bother fighting, attempting escape would be futile, we really don't want to but if needs be we'll be brutal.Shocked at first, I couldn't quite say a word, confused a bit at all I'd heard. I had to think and weigh my choices... my head was filled with lots of voices. Life on a distant planet to run as I'd choose seemed like there was little to lose. Would I miss my kids and all their stuff, would life without my husband be rough? Would running be fun if I had to do it, would the aliens like my Oregon wit? All at once I knew my choice and bravely found my stoic voice:
It's not me you need, I don't have a gift, but I do have a product to give you a lift. It was sent to me by some friendly 2Toms and trust me when I say it's the biggest of bombs! Don't laugh when I tell you the name of their creation, although somewhat silly it will bring joy to your nation. ButtShield is my secret, the product I use, it keeps me from chafing and having the blues. It has a great design in a sleek roll-on container and it's easy to use, you won't need a trainer. It doesn't stain and it goes on nice and easy and there aren't any strange smells to make you feel queasy. It prevents friction, saddle sores and butt rashes by eliminating friction wherever skin clashes. It's non-toxic, non-greasy and waterproof to boot, so if tri-ing's your thing put it on under your suit. I promise you'll be happy and you'll run without care so take it home and try it and my life do spare.They paused for a moment as if not sure what to do then snatched up my ButtShield and headed off to the loo. I waited around to make sure they were happy and pulled out my pepper spray in case things got scrappy. Mere seconds had passed before they returned, then offered me thanks for all they had learned. With a flash and a spurt and a goodbye not so formal the aliens disappeared and my run became normal. At first I was sad at the loss of my ButtShield as I still had 9 miles of my run left to wield... then I remembered it lasts all day and so I continued running happily along on my way.
In case you were wondering, although based on real events, some of the above details (the aliens perhaps) are slightly exaggerated. I did use ButtShield on my 18 mile run the other day. I love how smoothly it rolls on and really doesn't seem to leave any greasy residue. Although I don't usually have much trouble with chaffing, I sometimes get some sore spots where my tag is on the back of my capris and it really seemed to help there.
Right now 2Toms is having a great giveaway on Facebook where you have the ability to enter to win a years supply of their great products. You should go check it out... just click HERE.
Special thanks to 2Toms for providing me with ButtShield to review, the review, of course is all mine.