Yesterday when I was running, in the pouring down rain, I accidentally ran over a grasshopper. I suppose technically, it was Leona who ran over it, as she was the one in the jogging stroller, but I won't blame her, this time at least....anyway...
I ran over a grasshopper and felt pretty badly about it. I don't think I've ever actually killed anything with the stroller before, maybe a worm, but don't they just grow new parts and keep on being slimy??? So, in my state of grief, I decided to take a closer look to make sure it was dead and it was...quite dead in fact. Upon further examination, though, I noticed that this particular grasshopper happened to be carrying a tiny banner. The banner itself seemed fairly odd, but what was written on it was even stranger. On one side was written, "In Omnia Paratus" and on the other, "Carpe Diem". Now hold on a minute...a grasshopper out in the rain, carrying a banner with Latin phrases, what was going on here?!? I thought about it for a moment and realized it could only mean one thing....this grasshopper was the ringleader of a new plague. He was single-handedly trying to "rally the troops", to, "be ready for anything" and to "seize the day".
In my obliviousness I ran over what I thought was a poor, innocent grasshopper, but in reality, was the William Wallace of the locust world. So, instead of being an insect smasher I really am a hero. I courageously killed the leader of what could have been the biggest locust revolution since the great plague. Who would've known that I could be so amazing?!?
Just in case you were wondering, I will be available to sign autographs...but only on a limited first come, first served basis.